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Aries' montly Outlook in 2007 according to the
Tipsy Astrologer

Get a Jump on Your Social Scene
- Carol Robinson, Contributing Editor

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

March 2007

OK, it’s time to emerge from the cocoon. Freedom at last. What now? Well, the heavenly bodies offer many options. Here are a few suggestions…

  1. Road Trip! There’s a big world out there beyond your personal borders. It’s the ideal time for you to venture somewhere you’ve never been. Trust me, amazing discoveries await you. No tailgating, please!

  2. Learn a new language. There are few times in your life when you would enjoy a new form of communication. Mandarin Chinese, anyone?

  3. If you’re unable to get away, try some armchair traveling. Study some maps. Use your imagination. Don’t have the time to learn an entire language? Shake things up and learn to raise your glass and toast your drinking companions in an exotic language. In Kenya they say “Jambo!” I like it.

OK, it’s time for a cocktail that reflects your expanding horizons. How about a Cosmopolitan? Lift your glass in a toast. JAMBO!!!

February 2007

“Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water…”

That was the tagline for the 1978 sequel to the movie “Jaws”. It’s also your personal tagline as you sink deeper into the month of February. Think of it this way, you were getting bored anyway.

Make as few splashes as possible as you navigate treacherous waters this month. Even when you’re face to face with the proverbial big fish, your best course of action is not to overreact.

If you didn’t learn the first time around, you will face a bigger shark this time. And next time? Remember “Jaws 3D”? Trust me. You don’t want to go there.

My advice to you is to take it easy. This is the only kind of Shark Bite you need: http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink1908.html

October 2006

When their children grow up and move out of the house, some mothers suffer Empty Nest Syndrome. There is no term, however, for when your house becomes crowded.

If you’ve been experiencing any lonely moments lately, things should liven up soon. Your hermit days are coming to an end. Hopefully, this is what you want. If not, you may be the first to suffer from Crowded House Syndrome.

Just welcome the opportunity to network, socialize or hook up. Go for it. Be sure you look your best, just in case you hear a very friendly knock on your door.

Looking for the perfect tonic to get you in the mood? A Cuban Crime of Passion should do it…
http://www.webtender.com/db/drink/4428

September 2006

You’re probably feeling extra bold these days. Now that your level of confidence is rising, here are some smooth pick-up lines for your consideration…

From Pepé Le Pew, the skunk that falls for a black cat with a strip down her back:
“Ah, my little darling, it is love at first sight, is it not, no?”

(What a stinker… OK, to be fair, I’ll stay with the humans)

From Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery:
“Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?”

(Ewe)

And finally, from Beavis and Butthead:
“What’s your sign…is it Yield?”

(Gag)

When set your sights on a target, take your time. Remember these lines, and the characters who delivered them before you deliver an unwelcome advance. Be a bit less rammy at the office as well as at the bar. Be gentle, or you’ll end up looking like a cartoon… or a butthead.

While planning your best approach, get loose with a delicious Stinky Weasel. http://www.webtender.com/db/drink/5189
Offer one to your object of desire and perhaps you’ll get a positive response.

August 2006

In the 1975 film “Dog Day Afternoon”, Sonny (played by Al Pacino) and his buddy Sal attempt to rob a New York City bank on a hot August day. According to plan, the heist should have taken a few minutes. But events don’t unfold as Sonny expects. Things go very wrong, escalate into a standoff and they take the bank employees hostage. Then the media turns the chaos into a huge media event. When the grueling twelve hour ordeal was over, Sonny was on his way to prison. And his poor friend Sal buys it in the end.

The movie was based on the true story of John Wojtowicz, who held nine bank employees hostage during an attempted robbery on August 22, 1972. He served seven years of his 20 year sentence in federal prison, but was paid $7,500 and one percent of the net movie profits for rights to his story.

This month, you may feel that you’re living your own dog day. Your actions, especially the impulsive ones, will have unexpected results. If you don’t want to set up a chaotic situation like Sonny did, consider what you do, say and even wish for. Take it easy and don’t make any sudden moves. If you push too hard to accomplish what you want, you will likely look back on it as an empty victory. Wojtowicz claimed that his one percent of net amounted to zero. At the time of his death on January 2, 2006, he was living on welfare in Brooklyn. But at least he could tell people that he was portrayed in a movie by a great actor like Pacino. HooWah!

What’s your claim to fame? Think about it while you drink a Salty Dog. http://www.webtender.com/db/drink/775

July 2006

While casting the movie “The Terminator”, producers considered O.J. Simpson for the role that made Arnold Schwarzenegger famous, but the Heisman trophy winner’s reputation was too docile. They passed on Simpson for the part because they didn’t think the public would accept the nice Hertz advertising pitch man as a cold and emotionless executioner from the future. Hmmm…

Time changes everything, including our opinions of others. If those same producers had the technology to go forward in time to today, which actor would they choose to play a cold-blooded terminator? Something tells me it might not be the Governor of California.

This little piece of trivia should get you thinking about your own situation this month. Take a look backwards and consider what roles you have played over the years. How would you be cast today? And finally, what part do you want to play in the future?

Just one more thing. Try envisioning Simpson as the Terminator in black leather and sunglasses, delivering the famous line, “I’ll be back.” Yikes! I don’t know about you, but I get the willies just thinking about it. Spike some O.J. with vodka and make yourself a big Screwdriver.

 

June 2006

Thomas Jefferson was born on April 13, 1743. Yep, T.J. was an Aries. Knowing you like we do, it’s no surprise that a Ram wrote a little document called the Declaration of Independence, and the well known verse “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

The planets indicate that you’re exercising your unalienable right by chasing happiness these days and going for it with a vengeance. You’re all fired up for fun. Sudden road trips, urges to take big gambles and temptations of the most forbidden kind may come your way this month. WaHOO!!! Continue the chase, but check your rearview mirror for those pesky red and blue lights. I suggest that you call a cab… or better yet, a limo. Think how great you’ll look waving at your friends while hanging out of the sunroof. Just keep looking forward so you don’t leave an imprint of your face in a low overpass.

Don’t forget to duck… your drink for the month is a Harvey Wallbanger.

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